Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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