Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
