my sisters under your porch take her home
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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