I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
