Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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