He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
