I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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