ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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