Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
