She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
