What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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