I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
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stop calling my apartment porn island.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
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Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.