when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her