so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions