Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
