omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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