Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You took a bar mat shot.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
