I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
