I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
