i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
