Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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