I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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