I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
