Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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