he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
