is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
