Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
