I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
