I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
