So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
