the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
