Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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