i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
