You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
