Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
