My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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