Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
