I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
