Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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