four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
