I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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