Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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