well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
