Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
