shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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