ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
