wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
