She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
