I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
