you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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