i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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