She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
