So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
