he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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