Moan for me like Helen Keller
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
